Ok, I’m stirring the pot.
Facebook is blowing up with that one article the woman wrote about maternity
leave being me-time. I’m a mother, so
I’m slightly biased, but I still think that a few things need to be said that no one is addressing.
1)
It’s been made clear that there is a rift
between two fundamentally different women in society:
Women-with-out-kids and women-with-kids. Whichever group you fit in, please recognize
that you’ve made your life choices which in turn has put you in the place you
are and granted you “privileges.” There are times when these "privileges" are not labeled as so. You
won’t understand each other and you need to STOP JUDGING EACH OTHER. Women are
abused, raped, etc everywhere. There are
less women engineers, politicians, and scientists, but the world is changing
still and we need to stick together. (there I’m done with my feminist rant, before the men reading this give me a hard time)
2)
There is no nice way to say this: lack of
experience = ignorance. This is actually
the definition of ignorance, which I think we all already know, but still manage
to get bent out of shape when the word is directed toward us. There is endless knowledge and experiences in
the world. You will remain ignorant to
so much because you only have one lifetime can only experience so much. Women-with-out-kids, you haven’t endured
child birth or the first 3 months of an infant’s life, therefore you don’t know
what maternity leave entails. Women-with-kids, please recognize that you lack the experience of seeing other
women taking maternity leave, a benefit at work, while you can’t.
It is like the people that work in food service that get an extra break
for smoking because they are smokers (and because their supervisors are smokers
too). It is a system in place to help individuals cope with their life choices,
that not everyone can use.
3)
The last sentence brought up another good point:
In actuality maternity leave is medical leave, not vacation. Women recovering from a C-section and vaginal
birth are basically recovering from surgery.
Medicine these days have made birth complete unnatural. Child birth can induced or otherwise known as
FORCED. There are plenty of
complications/situations that occur during birth these days that the mom and
baby would have died 20 years ago. Stuff
is ripped open (sorry for the TMI and I don’t mean to beat a dead horse) during
child birth and needs time to repair.
Chris wasn’t there for my first birth, but he can tell you that I looked
like I had been in a car wreck after my second, but I won’t get into the gory
details. Try pushing a watermelon out of
your butt and then we will be on the same page. Many of the posts, like the one’s
below are pretty funny and true about child birth and the first 3 months of an
infant’s life, but again women-with-kids, it’s the choice you made. Take it and move on. Don’t complain about parenting to the
women-with-out-kids. They don’t want to
hear it and you shouldn't expect sympathy, because they have made their choices as well
and they are moving forward. It’s not pleasant
to hear “why didn’t you have kids” and it’s not a shame and it's none of your business.
4)
Also, if it helps, please consider that
maternity leave is 2 years in a lot of European Countries: 2 YEARS (I say that
with disgust and a hint of jealousy).
Lydia keeps me up at night still and many mom’s will say that you are
never really back to normal until the baby is 2, which I’m discovering is very
true. I’m not quite Heather again, but
it will come and each day is getting easier.
The first two 2 years are hard, but I’m not sure if 2 year maternity
leave is the answer. Personally I could not spend 2 years at home with a baby.
It’s not good for my brain and it’s not good for my family to stay home, but I admire
the women that good for the women that can: you are stronger (and probably less
stressed) than me! But this is the choice I made in life and I’m running with
it. Also, let me just say that no one I work with would have enjoyed working
with me within the first 3 months of Lydia’s life. There were moments when I couldn’t tell you
my name, I would randomly take out a boob (ok, so maybe some people at work
would like that), randomly cried, and I didn’t even have the energy to shower
despite being covered in barf. Consider
it a favor that women stay home for the first 3 months, because they are completely
absorbed with figuring out how to keep a baby alive and therefore hell to work
with.
5)
I have one last thing to mention. Both groups of
women need to stop judging other people’s parenting. Keep in mind that people act differently in
public and you will never know the full story.
Parenting is about picking battles and it’s not healthy to be yelling at
your kid all the time. No one is the perfect parent, and people who think they
are in denial. It’s just a matter of
doing a good enough job, trying your best and loving your kids unconditionally
(at least that is what I remind myself of each day).
Who wants to see this movie with me? LOL
http://www.ew.com/article/2016/05/02/bad-moms-trailer
