For two good friends

My friend Ginger is pregnant and like everyone else I am so incredibly happy for her and Trevor!  I mean talk about two of the most positive people I have ever met – we became friends quick!  They are just a couple that radiates with happiness, even before they knew they were expecting a little boy. 

I asked them to text me when they found out whether were having a boy or girl and when they did I completed teared up.  I’m not only happy because I know they are so excited.  I’m happy that they get to experience what I have as parent so far in my life.  

I’m just so happy for them and  I know that they are probably being flooded with advice right now – some they want to hear and some they don’t—I realize this so I haven’t said much to them about the child birth and parenting experience and what I have learned so far.  As a parent, now with my second, I am trying to reflect more and recognize what I have learned, so I’m writing this to do that and they can read it if they’d like.

1)      Realistically, parenting is flying by the seat of your pants the majority of the time.  You will meet parents that feel the need to tell you how much they have everything under control.  They don’t.  They probably have a better grip than I do (don’t worry, you will be better J) but they don’t have as much control as they think.  No one is the perfect parent.   Don’t let them bully you and don’t let teachers pick to you and make you think you have the worst kid.

   

2)      There will be times that you feel like you are completing failing as a parent.  Completely normal.  I thought I had the worst kid in the school after every parent teacher conference and especially when I found out that Noah was throwing rocks in the street during recess and hit a car.  Everyone found out about it at the school.  The driver threatened to sue to the school.  I never thought about telling my son “don’t through rocks in the street,” or better yet, “don’t let other kids trick you into doing stuff” at this point.  You can’t teach them everything at once and sometimes they figure out stuff on their own – and this you need to give them credit for.  They are smarter than you think – even as a toddler Lydia surprises us.  

3)      There will be a lot of tears. Happy tears, sad tears, frustration tears, tears sharing your kid’s pain because they through their favorite stuffed animal out of the window on 81.  You will find yourself doing completely lunatic things, like flagging down a police officer with tears streaming down your face begging them to retrieve the stuffed animal.  Noah was completely fine and not crying at all by the way while I was having a mental break down picturing him going to sleep with out it.  The police officer basically called me bat-shit crazy, but managed to find it which was a miracle.  He told me in his 20 years of service he had never been asked to find a stuffed animal off of 81.  This is just one story that I cant laugh about today and you will have so many stories like this that you will be able to tell.

    

4)       People will tell you to kiss your current life style goodbye, but that does not have to be the case.  Your life is going to change, drastically and it is going to shock you and put you in a panic.  It’s hard to put someone else before yourself. You might not have sex for a month. You might not sleep well for 2 years.   You might lose friends.  You might put running as much as you’d like on hold, or you might find away.  It takes planning, prioritizing, and being considerate of your spouse.  Research has been shown that the number 1 time people have been the most depressed has been after having a baby.  It’s due to hormones for Mama but it’s also due to reflecting on the fact that you cannot do what you used to do and the fact that you are now putting another person before yourself.  I doesn’t last long, hang in there.  And actively try to do what you want to stay happy because happy parents are better parents.

5)      Remember the importance of small adventures.  Even though they seem small, annoying and boring, they can mean the world to your son.  They can remember a lot. It’s fun to show someone the little things in the world and everything is fascinating to them.

   

6)      Your marriage may suffer. Don’t ever say “YOUR son…” to your spouse.  Don’t fight about chores even if one of you feels you are doing more than the other.  The house is going to be messy. Figure out ways to prevent fighting about parenting and money.  Definitely don’t fight in front of your kids.  It effects them regardless of the age.   Try not to take anything personal in fights (easier said then done).  And have special time with your spouse.  Make the time.  Get a sitter and don’t feel guilty, because you need it. Never mention the D word no matter how stressed out you are.

   

7)       You are going to suffer. It’s hard no longer having control of your life or your kid’s life.  Not being able to protect them from all harm.  It’s called love.  It hurts.  You will love them so much and even though they love you too, it will never be as much (even though there have been moments where my kids have made me think otherwise).  Don’t expect anything else back for your love.  You won’t get respect without work. Its hard to punish, but it needs be done, and I can’t give you any advice on that subject because currently I suck at it! J (work in progress)

8)      Keep in mind that they are a little ball of energy.  Don’t expect them to sit still and behave.  If they do, it’s not long.  You of all parents wouldn’t want them to be sedentary anyways.  Schools’ expectation of children isn’t realistic and stifles their creativity.  Even though it can be annoying, you miss it when that energy is gone and they are hurting as preteens.

9)      Never expect yourself to be able to read your child and be prepared for anything. You get used to something and it changes.  The young ages are really hard, but it gets easier the older they and then there are new challenges.  Remember you have a lot of people to help you, but take advice with a grain of salt.  You are the parents. You know your child better than anyone else.  You know best.             

10)   Savor every minute you can.  I have to remind myself this everyday.  I have to tell myself one day you will miss these days, even though life is so hard right now.  These are the years that define us.  They are watching us and we have to be as strong as we can be.  

Go Herndon Hornets!

I'm starting vacation in a unique way this year.  I was nominated for the Hall of Fame at my High School.  Great accomplishment, right?  So, why don't I want to go and why do I feel sick about it?

I have always felt uncomfortable when people have complimented me on anything, especially running.  One side of me thinks "well, I used to train really hard" and the other is like "I wasn't that fast, because I wasn't the best".  So, basically I'm hard on myself and a big jerk by thinking that my accomplishments mean nothing.  To me this is unintentionally egotistical not to mention a form of self-loathing and  I need to start patting myself on the back as many people who care about me have suggested.  

Recently, I have been forcing myself to accept compliments and smile even though I feel that weird butterfly feeling in my stomach each time.  I'm not sure why, but it's there, so I'm forcing myself to reflect, because if I don't, I know I will regret it in the long run.

So, I'm not sure what to think about this nomination and a lot of emotions are going through me right now from nostalgia- in fact  I thought it would be interesting to write a blog as first how I felt prior to going to the ceremony tonight and then reflect and write more afterward, so here it goes...

Before the ceremony (June 26, 2016 - the day of the ceremony)

Does anyone else struggle to come up with memories on the spot? They seem to come randomly and Noah loves to hear the stories, but I can't give him enough. Below are some pictures from my senior year book.  By the way -- fun fact: if you go to Google Images and type in "Heather Fisher Herndon High School" the first hit is quite possibly the most terrifying picture of me running and shows why my best friend Carliegh nick named me "thunder thighs".  Thank goodness is is the only image of me running, because I try too run too hard to be a pretty runner.     

High School.  That time you think about and you get a little sick to your stomach and roll your eyes and laugh.  Back when you thought life was really hard, but it actually wasn't.  Teenage Wasteland, otherwise known as some people's golden years or glory days even though at the time you swore you wouldn't let it be.  When you had the closest friends imaginable, but didn't realize it and took them for granted. When you regret more than you praise yourself for.  When you look back and just wish you did more and was more, even though you may have been trying to do too much at once (story of my life).  The time when you hated that girl that kept beating you, but now you love her for pushing you and keeping you focused and driven.

You also realize that ironically your actions were solely based on what your friends were doing and not enough because you wanted to do it, yet it formed you into the person you are today.  Before you were comfortable in your skin.

I was the competitive runner- that is all I was known for and that's exactly what I was. Everything I did was for track and to try to win.  Power lifting, going to practice everyday, track meets every weekend, aqua jogging during injuries(ok this was the worst), taking ice baths, running injured, hosting pasta parties on Friday nights for all day track meets every Saturday, year round. And as a result, I surrounded myself with great people that pushed me in academics and track. 

In high school people thought I was fast and I was pretty fast - There I said it.  Yes, I wasn't the best in the country and all of my records are already off the board at Herndon High School, but I was fast.  I may think that I raced like a wuss a lot (drove my coaches nuts) and was too into boys, but who got to win a state championship in XC with the best team, Regionals as an anker leg for a 4 by 8, make all Met Runner for XC, and letter all seasons for all 4 years?

Jeez.. I'm starting to sound like my Dad, boasting about myself, but your parents are supposed to make you feel good about yourself  and thanks Dad. Thanks for believing in me, cooking a crap ton of pasta, driving us EVERYWHERE for races a mile or less, setting up embarrassing shrines of plaques and metals in your house, and coming to track meets after working 12 hour shifts.

 I do still wish I did more- not just with track,  but everything. I think we all think that.  So I feel a little weird going to this thing tonight.
 
Also, all I can think about is the memories I had with close friends that I have done such a poor job keeping in touch with and some that won't ever talk to me again for other reasons.  I'm bummed no friends will be there and my coaches can't make it.  And also... I need to stop beating around the bush with this post. Like all high school memories, most of all I think about my friendship with Noah's Dad and our group of friends.  Adrian was my best friend.  Our parents were best friends.  We spent every weekend together, doing silly things to try to stay out of trouble.  This group of friends helped make me the person I am today and these memories brings up a lot of strange feelings that I don't know what to do with.  Maybe one day it will become a blog, but I have no idea how to articulate these feelings and my feelings toward Adrian and there is too much that cannot be undone. It truly bothers me that I cannot feel 100% good about celebrating tonight because there are so many memories which I have blocked out because of the sick, sad feelings I get from nostalgia.  This is probably why I cannot think of more memories to tell Noah as well.
 
After the ceremony 
Funny thing about facebook - everyone quickly learns everything about you quickly.
Dad, couldn't control himself.  He did his photography thing and made a post. He made sure everyone knew because he was my biggest fan and he was proud. This is exactly, what I didn't want to happen, but it is a big deal and I need to accept that. I'm sure there were some people that saw the post as bragging (including myself to an extent), which is my dad's god-given right as a parent, but who cares?  There will always be people that think that.  It's already posted, what else can I do about it but grab it by the horns and embrace it? One of the reasons I chose to start blogging was to step out of my comfort zone anyways.  So, thanks everyone that congratulated me on facebook!  Especially Kristin Hart who ran with me all four years and was nominated 2 years ago.  You deserved it -- I spent all high school chasing you and even though I didn't realize it and show it at the time, I loved you.  The fact that you said something meant a lot.  Thank you.

All week at the beach people congratulated me and I blushed with a fluttering stomach, but I forced myself to say more than just "thank you."  They wanted to hear what it was like and how I felt about it.  I didn't have much time to reflect on it until now.  

I saw a lot of athletes that had the opportunity to reunite with their coaches and it was really special.  I wish my coaches were there, but they mentioned that a team would make the Hall of Fame each year, so I'm looking forward to a reunion at some point!

A pole vaulter from the 70s was there.  His picture from high school was gorgeous -- he looked like Steve Prefontaine with flowing blonde hair and chiseled legs, looking cool lounging on the track between jumps.  He had developed Parkinsons and he broke down and it was SO inspirational.  I was so touched that he said my on-the-fly-speech was inspirational as well.  

A lot of the other Hall of Famers were still in the area and coaching -- touching other kids lives like their coaches had done.  Possibly making a bigger difference in the world than anyone else.  Not to mention that in my mind, the multi-sport athletes are the most inspirational -- that is raw athleticism.

One lady made the Hall for how much she volunteered time at athletic events -- supporting the athletes long after her kids finished school.  She got the longest applause as deserved.  
  
Noah got to meet an amazing soccer player who graduated right before me.  He played soccer and football and then played soccer at Syracuse and then professionally.  Noah and him talked soccer all night.  He felt extremely out of place, like me because he was from out of town, not sure what to do in terms of celebrating himself, and freaked out when he realized that people were making speeches too.  He had a baby boy on the way, and I hugged him and whispered into his ear "Thank you, You really inspired my son" and we both said a tear-eyed goodbye feeling like we'd known each other for years.

The athletic director never met me and did a great job reading off my stats.  Running stats are much different than other sports.  For example, although I participated on a team and relay teams (which was my favorite part) a lot of it was based off of individual performance.  It came down to you raising other runners and the clock.  It was much easier for me to make all district, etc. compared to the other athletes who played in more team sports.  To them, I looked much more accomplished, but I wasn't at all.  Also, they were fascinated that I could still run so much -- that my ACLs were not torn, etc.  It made me realize  I was really lucky.  Not only had I had amazing experiences running in high school, I had discovered my passion: running.  My escape from the real world.    

And also I got to meet Scottie Reynolds who is now playing professional basketball in Europe and he managed to come home for this event.  We were in school two years together and never met because we were in our own little bubbles with training.  He was adopted by a friend of mine's family and actually told by his coach that he needed to go to another school because there wasn't anything else he could do for his career - but he stuck around and got Herndon a Regional Championship.  He mentioned that HHS changed his life, as it had for all of us.

I was the second to last to talk, after a lot of emotional and long speeches.  I shook in front of everyone and wanted to cry so I kept it short and sweet (I thought talking about memories was a mute point with out my coaches and team mates there).  I wanted to say more but sort of choked. I had a lot in my head and only said about a tenth of it.

I started by thanking Herndon High School.  It got to the point when I just said Thank you three times in row.  I think they got my point.  I also tried to crack a joke about having a great time doing every other sport's punishment... no one got it and they thought i was just a freak (because runners are freaks who only understand each other).  I talked about a conversation I had with mom recently about frustration with my current fitness.  I said "Mom, why can't I be like everyone else and just run a local 5k and have fun with it regardless of my performance?"  She said "because that isn't you."  I told the room they were the same why and we wouldn't be here today if we weren't so painfully competitive.  Said I hope my two kids have coaches and mentors as good as mine from high school and ending thanking the room for giving me someone to chase.

Noah said it was a good speech so that means a lot.  
 
I didn't talk about the team OR thank my parents and I felt like a real jerk about it.  Dad was hurt and I could tell, but the moment was over.  I did thank my parents on facebook, which made dad happy, but I still don't feel like it was enough.      

   So, I'm happy I went.  Nostalgia can be happy too.  It gave me the drive to try to reach out to high school friends again as well as showed me I had the courage to celebrate myself and come up with a speech last minute.  It reminded me that you should celebrate yourself (even the small things) and love your self every day that you get to live.